​PLAN *%&$

My grandfather was a type A personality. And when I say that, I mean TYPE A. I vividly recall his loving yet forceful “sermons” about life—starting at say, six years old.  Get an education! Have a plan! WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE?! If he didn’t say it with such damn love, it would have been scary. But even with my sensitive soul, I knew where his speeches were coming from. One day, I wrote a note to my elementary school teacher explaining that my grandfather loved me very much and wanted me to get a good education!! She agreed. 
 
Fast forward to this morning in late April 2020. We are almost seven weeks into COVID-19 lockdown, and I am forty-two years old. I have already fed the guinea pigs, spot cleaned their cages, fed the dogs, given everyone their medications, and then poured my coffee. I gave Jaya her bully stick to chew on and sat at the computer to drink my coffee and virtually survey the world. We have a routine. And yes, I’ve turned out to be a little bit Type A myself; but luckily, much quieter than my grandfather.
 
Seven weeks ago, I had lots of plans. Then the world stopped, and those plans were paused while everyone was forced to go into crisis mode. We were forced to alter every routine and every plan that we had ever imagined. But, hey, I can roll with the punches and go into crisis mode---short term. But as the time stretches on, and the weeks and months appear less clear by the hour, I find my anxiety rising. What’s my plan? Pop-pop always said to have “Plan A” and “Plan B.” What plan am I on?   W?  Z???  
 
Screw it. I’m on Plan *%&$, and I think he would approve.
 
I remind myself of what I’ve learned up until this point in life. Plans A and B don’t always turn out the way you expect them to. You think you’re going one way, but life throws you a curve ball, so you reevaluate and adjust your plan. Then, you fall off a cliff, pick yourself up, check for broken bones, and adjust your plan. Finally, you’re almost where you want to be (at least in some area of your life). You can see it just ahead. A few more steps and the plan is complete. When BAM!! You walk straight into a wall and fall back, disoriented. What do you do? Do you give up on the idea of planning altogether?
 
No. You enact Plan *%$&.  You acknowledge that while you have no idea when or how your goal will unfold, you still hold the essence of it clearly in your heart and mind. It’s a different sort of plan. It may not have concrete checkpoints at the moment, but it is no less powerful. It’s a vision. A feeling. And one day, that feeling will manifest into more visible steps. One day, you will arrive.
 
So for today, Plan *%$& means that I will take care of myself. Jaya will chew her bully stick. We will go for more walks. And we will dream.